Less is More

To those who read my blog regularly, please accept my apology for such a long absence. In my last post, “In the Distance” (July 24, 2011), I shared that I was experiencing some things that had left me disheartened, confused and afraid. For reasons beyond my understanding at the time, one thing after another was occurring; some days I didn't know which way was up. Now that the dust has settled, I see things with new perspective and have begun to evaluate what's really important. To that end, this blog continues.

In honor of Lung Cancer Awareness Month (November), I've been working with Pearl Bistro, a woman-owned restaurant in Indianapolis, to host a fundraiser to benefit St. Vincent Foundation's Women of Hope, a program that supports cancer patients and their families. For Pearl Bistro's owner, this has been a long-time dream; an opportunity to pay tribute to her mother who died of lung cancer three years ago though she never smoked a single cigarette. She named the restaurant in honor of the pearl-color awareness ribbon. As her consultant, I wanted it to be perfect in every way, pouring months of hard work and dedication into the project. A few days before the big day, we became nervous because tickets weren't selling like we hoped. With a goal of just 40 attendees, it seemed our efforts had been in vain. Rather than throwing in the towel, we remained strong, confident that our mission – to raise lung cancer awareness and benefit patients – was good and that people would support the cause. In the end, we sold 31 tickets – and the event couldn't have gone better! Rather than 40 “warm bodies,” the space felt intimate, filled with individuals who genuinely cared about the cause. This allowed the owner to share her story “among friends.”

So what's the lesson? Yes, selling out the place would have made us very proud. But in reality, less quantity made for higher quality: everyone was comfortable – not cramped – and the awareness, connections with attendees, and appreciation of the foundation far outweighed what we didn't accomplish. I even like to believe that those in attendance were meant to be in that space at that time, and appreciated the event as much as we enjoyed hosting it.

I share this experience because so often we believe that things have to be big to be effective. But as I learned, often the opposite is true. Ask yourself: How much stuff do we own that serves no purpose? What activities do we engage in that occupy too much of our time? How much simpler – and perhaps happier – would we be if we learned to live with less? And if we avail ourselves to more time and space... What could we accomplish? What/who would we have time for? Whose life could we impact?

In closing, I pose this question: What more could you do with less?

Managing Your Personal Brand

“Life isn’t about finding yourself.  It’s about inventing yourself.”

-          George Bernhard Shaw

When you hear the word ‘brand’, what comes to mind?  For some, branding is synonymous with household names like Coca-Cola, Nike or Volvo and the feelings their marketing teams want us to think and feel about their products… refreshment, high-endurance and safety.  But ‘brand’ isn’t limited to corporate board rooms and advertising campaigns.  People also possess brands, which require careful management in order to achieve our goals. 

In my post a few weeks ago, “You, Inc. (May 8, 2011),” I discussed the benefits and responsibilities of owning your own life.   Today, let’s take it one step further.  Whether we like it or not, everything we do, what we say, how we dress and who we associate with (and what we DON’T do, say, wear, etc.) sends a message to the world about who we are.  It doesn’t take long to become known as our brands… confident, insecure, consistent, unreliable, etc.   

Why, you ask?

You’ve heard the expression “it only takes a second to make a first impression,” right?  From the moment we walk into a room, open our mouths, and make personal choices, we are branded.  As relationships continue over time, people come to expect certain behaviors from one another.  And – as you probably know – a positive brand can be tarnished in an instant while a negative one takes much time and effort to improve.    

The key to managing your personal brand starts with deciding who you are and/or who you want to be – and doing those things consistently.  It’s not enough to simply say these things… we must become them.  Just because Volvo promotes itself as a safe car manufacturer, does that make it so?  Favorable crash-tests and testimonials from happy buyers have made us believe what Volvo claims to be.  So… if you want to be a better friend, you must do what good friends do… listen, spend quality time and exercise patience.  Want to be known as an expert in your field?  You would certainly promote yourself as just that, but must have the goods to back it up. 

Bottom line: be who you claim you are.

This brings me to a subject I’m pretty passionate about… the power of social media.  The information posted on Facebook, Twitter, etc. is open for the world to see – and judge us by.  Unfair, yes, but the consequences can be harsh if, say, a curious potential employer investigates the “real you” with just a few clicks of the mouse.   So while images of our loved ones and vacation photos are one thing, posting “questionable” material is quite another.  Risqué comments and photos may not be representative of the real you, but how would someone know if that’s all they have to go on?

This week I encourage you to take a minute to evaluate your personal brand and decide:

Is your personal brand an accurate reflection of the “you” that you want to be?

For Mommy

"God could not be everywhere, therefore he created mothers."
 
  - Jewish Proverb


Yesterday my mother graduated with honors with her degree in culinary arts/restaurant management.  Owning/operating a restaurant has always been her dream; now that goal is fully within her reach.  To say that I’m proud of her would be a huge understatement.  Her hard work, dedication and commitment are admirable.  She’s a testament to the belief that it’s never too late to pursue your goals.

As usual, she didn’t want a fuss made over her; it’s not her way.  But that didn’t stop my siblings and me, along with other family members, from showering her with love and support, which she so greatly deserves. 

Call me biased, but my mother (whom I still refer to as Mommy) is one of the kindest persons one could ever meet: encouraging, giving, and wise beyond belief.  Her insight has helped me on more occasions than a few – especially lately – as I navigate through my own adventures in motherhood. 

I would be lying if I said that we were always so close.  We’ve had a typical mother-daughter relationship with ups and downs.  But now that I’m older, and have walked a mile or so in her shoes, I understand better where she’s coming from.  Better yet, I see her as more than just Mommy, but as a woman.

Do you remember the day you discovered that your mother is “human,” with her own hopes, dreams and fears? 

For some, it may be unimaginable that one’s mother is simply a woman trying to do her best, especially when so much is expected of her… to always know the correct answer, to constantly do the right thing, and, when all else fails, to turn bad situations into good ones.  But it’s true what they say: “Parenthood doesn’t come with an owner’s manual.”  Yet mothers do the best they can with what they have, and make provisions along the way.    

Looking back, I can certainly recall sacrifices my mother made for the good of others, often putting her own needs last.  Perhaps you can relate.  At the time, I thought that was what mothers were supposed to do, but now – as a mother myself – I realize how profound those actions were.  She believed in us tremendously and wanted us to succeed… as any good mother does. But now, after many years of hard work, she is finally in a position to put herself first and make her own dreams come true.  And I couldn’t be happier for her.

So on this Mother’s Day, I celebrate mothers everywhere who work tirelessly, often without the appreciation they deserve.  And to my mother in particular, thank you.  I’m so very proud of you.

What have you learned about your mother over the years?

You, Inc.

“… I am the master of my fate… the captain of my soul.”

-          William Earnest Henley

Recently, I was sitting with my 16-year-old son helping to develop his goals for the next few years.   His desires are typical of most boys his age… getting a job, having a car, and graduating from high school.   We’ve discussed these things many times, but now that he’s approaching adulthood, I thought it was important for him to take some ownership and realize that his actions – and inactions – determine whether his goals will be met, rather than assuming/hoping/wishing that his wants will magically materialize out of thin air. 

As we broke each goal down into manageable steps, I explained, “This is how companies get from point A to point B.” Not surprisingly, he rolled his eyes and said, “I’m not a business.”  To that I replied, “Your life IS your business… and you’re the CEO.”  His reaction was priceless: “I never thought about it that way.”

Have you?

As a young girl, I certainly didn’t feel that my life was my own.  Looking back, I recall wanting desperately to be liked, and doing things simply to fit in and gain others’ approval.  I’ve learned a thing or two since then, including the fact that you can’t live your life for someone else. 

Hands down, the best day of my life was when I finally realized that I was always good enough, that I define me, and that I have the power to live the life I choose.  For me, that day came in my early 30s; for some it arrives sooner, for others much later.  This realization opened up a world of possibilities I hadn’t dared to consider – probably for fear of never achieving them.  But now I have the courage to try, and that’s half the battle.

Though my son isn’t yet on his own, he liked the prospect of being in control of his own life.  But being “the man” (or “the woman”) comes with responsibilities as well.  Just as corporate CEOs decide which opportunities to capitalize on and which to avoid, we must do the same in order to move to the next level, carefully weighing risks and rewards.  And, just like in business, the best laid plans sometimes go awry.  But a good CEO takes responsibility for the results – good or bad – no excuses, no one to blame.

So if there’s something in your life that you’ve been contemplating, which could take you to the next level, I encourage you to weigh it out, pray over it, and if the gains outweigh the challenges, give it a try.  And in the end, remember that you – as CEO of your own life – have the power to make it happen. 

Your comments are welcome.

Finding Your Essential Self

“You are the best destination you could possibly imagine or experience.”

-          Martha Beck

When I was younger, I’d hear people speak of “finding themselves,” though I hadn’t the faintest idea what they were talking about…  It made me wonder, “How can you find what is not lost?” 

Now, having gone through some things, I understand better.  If we’re not careful, it’s easy to get “lost” in the day-to-day routines that life requires, which leave little to no time to consider whether we’re on the right path, or what direction to take in order to experience true happiness.  To that end, I recently completed a book called Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck.  Best $15 I’ve ever spent… In her own unique style of humor, compassion and intellect, Ms. Beck uses the North Star to symbolize the way to find the “right life” that awaits each of us – if we’re open to it.  The journey begins by identifying and understanding the two selves that each of us possess: the social self and the essential self.

The social self is shaped by culture and norms, plays by the rules, and is concerned with what everyone thinks.   Conversely, the essential self remains constant over time, houses your heart’s desires, and does what feels right in your soul – regardless of others’ opinions.  The two are frequently in conflict, as we consider what we should do versus what we truly want to do.  But when they are in sync, that is where true happiness is found. 

The author does not suggest following the advice of the essential self exclusively – society mandates some social-self rules simply to keep order.  However, she does recommend that to fully realize the potential for happiness, we must live the life we were meant to, which is unique for every individual.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Unfortunately, it’s a bit more complex.  We’re constantly bombarded with messages about who and what we should be.  But if you take a minute and REALLY listen to your essential self, and notice your own natural inclinations, you’ll find that the answers lie inside of you.

Have you ever been in a situation that just didn’t feel right… but you continued with it anyway?  I’m not speaking of things that are simply challenging, but being with people, in places, doing things that you KNOW you shouldn’t – though you can’t quite put your finger on why... 

I’ll give you a minute.

Now, consider a time when you’ve been with someone who truly understands you as a person, in a place that you feel completely comfortable, doing things that excite you.  That’s when you know you’re on the right path.

If you have ever wondered how to discover that which is uniquely “you,” I highly recommend Finding Your Own North Star.  Before long, you’ll be on the path toward what is essentially right for you.

Your comments are welcome.

Confronting Fear

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.”

-       Unknown

A few weeks ago, someone tried - unsuccessfully - to break into my house.  Upon discovery, my first inclination was anger.  Home invasions have been rampant in Indianapolis for a while, but I live in a “good” neighborhood, right?  And I never do anything to hurt anyone… so why would someone want to violate me that way? 

Once the anger subsided, in walked fear; I didn’t sleep well for several nights.  Every creak or strong wind generated illusions that someone was trying to get in.  And I wasn’t sure how to go about my days.  Should I stay out in case they came back, or was it best to be home in order to protect what’s mine? 

    

And then it dawned on me.  I was allowing this incident to control me.  Though my fear was justifiable, allowing it to regulate my thoughts and actions was not.  But that’s precisely what I was doing.

How often do we allow fear – of the unknown, of failure, of reliving the past – to hold us back? 

Fear has a way of manifesting “what if” scenarios that can be debilitating.  But rather than falling prey to your fears, we must face them head-on.  The first step is to ask yourself what it is that scares you about a situation.  Now, consider what power you have to create a favorable outcome.  For example, research indicates that women tend to fear negotiations.  We would sooner settle for what’s offered than speak up for what we deserve, for fear of confrontation.  But confrontations don’t have to be confrontational… so rather than focusing on the negative aspects, concentrate on the reasons you deserve more and state them assertively – not passively and certainly not aggressively (this is a lesson I recently learned and guess what – it actually works!). 

I’m sure you can think of other examples as well… fear of loving again, fear of letting go, fear of moving forward… the list goes on and on.  Fear is a natural emotion that we all feel from time to time, but the question is, Will you remain there?   

As for me, I’ve taken all of the necessary precautions to protect my home from another intruder.  But I’ve also decided to go about my life as I normally would, because stealing my possessions is one thing, but robbing me of the ability to live my life the way I choose is altogether another.

If fear is currently holding you back from what you desire, I encourage you to confront it in order to move past it. 

Be safe… Your comments are welcome. 

Make It Happen

“'I did' beats 'I will' – any day.”

-          Unknown

I don’t know about you but I love sports.  Always have.  There’s just something about the spirit of competition, passion for winning… and football players in those cute little pants doesn’t hurt either. J

Like millions, I watched the Super Bowl this evening from the comfort of my living room.  But I must admit, I couldn’t help but imagine how exciting it must be to actually be there among the crowd at Texas Stadium cheering as the Packers clinched the title.  Then it dawned on me… that’s not impossible.  Sure, Super Bowl tickets are hard to come by, but if 100,000+ people found a way to make it happen, so could I.

What do you dream about doing?

When you look back at your life in say… 10 years, what do you want to have accomplished?  Perhaps you’ve imagined running a marathon, opening a small boutique, or traveling abroad; or maybe something more adventurous like skydiving or mountain climbing.  Are these just dreams, or could they become reality?  I’ve learned that the difference between a dream and a goal is planning.  Money and time help of course, but with sacrifice and patience (I’m working on both of those myself) your deepest desires can be attained. 

I’ll share a technique I recently learned.  Visualize yourself fulfilling a major goal.  Write a letter to yourself and date it for some point in the future, depending on your timeline for completion.  Congratulate yourself on all that you have accomplished.  Acknowledge that it was not easy; you faced many challenges along the way.  Describe the exhilaration of achieving what you set out to do.  Once complete, post the letter where you can refer to it often, as a reminder.   Now, consider what steps are necessary to set your plan in motion. 

As for me, I have more goals than time to accomplish them all.  But those topping the list include successfully launching my boys into the world (they’re currently 16 and 18), attending the Super Bowl in the foreseeable future, and writing my first book. 

What dreams will you convert into goals this year?

Mastering Life's Lessons

“Everybody has a story.  And there’s something to be learned from every experience.”

-          Oprah Winfrey

We are all a work in progress.  That much is for sure.  And the longer we live the more we learn… about ourselves, each other and the world around us.  As I write this, I am reminded of several lessons I’ve learned in the past few months, and the people who helped me achieve those realizations. 

On January 1, Oprah Winfrey launched aptly titled “OWN,” the Oprah Winfrey Network, which – in line with the Oprah brand – broadcasts programs to uplift, inspire and encourage viewers to live their very best lives.  One program in particular, called Master Class, has truly resonated with me.  Each week, the show features one celebrity that is considered an expert in his or her field.  He/she allows the audience a rare glimpse into the fundamental values, beliefs and life lessons that make him/her a master in their own right.  Thus far, the program has featured world-renowned writer and poet Maya Angelou, entertainment mogul Simon Cowell, rapper/entrepreneur Jay-Z, and television journalist Diane Sawyer.  Initially, I was eager to hear the wisdom of Maya Angelou and intrigued by Diane Sawyer, whom I knew very little about.  But I’ll admit that I was less interested in Jay-Z and Simon Cowell – not because they’re men – but because their arrogance and opulence (in my opinion) had told me all I needed to know about them.  But I decided to keep an open mind… and yes, I stand corrected.  What you see is not necessarily what you get, because each was just as intriguing as the next.  I’m glad to share their insights which are as unique and varied as each of these individuals:

“Live your life in a way that you will not regret years of useless virtue.” – Maya Angelou

“Have confidence in what you know.  If it’s not your expertise, just say ‘I don’t know.’” – Simon Cowell

“Failure is a great teacher.  If you’re open to it, every mistake has a lesson in it.” – Jay-Z

"Whenever you are blue or lonely or stricken by some humiliating thing you did, the cure and the hope is in caring about other people."  - Diane Sawyer

So what’s the lesson?  There is much to be learned from others, but if we refuse to listen to those who look, act or think differently than we do, we may miss out on valuable lessons.  This week’s Master Class is on Lorne Michaels, creator of Saturday Night Live.  Don’t know much about the man, but I’m sure I will be as pleasantly surprised by what I learn as I was with the others.  I invite you to do the same.

What have you learned from an unlikely source?

The Go-Giver

“You get the best out of others when you give the best of yourself.”

-          Harvey S. Firestone

I created Living Her Purpose, LLC from the notion that we have all been through something – be it good or bad – that shapes who we are today and strive to be tomorrow.  These lessons not only help us to “do better next time” but can have a residual effect if we’re willing to share our experiences with others. 

To that end, I recently completed a book that exemplifies the power of giving, called “The Go-Giver” by Bob Burg and John David Mann.  The story depicts a typical go-getter – bright, ambitious, and self-centered – who is desperate to land a big client.  Accordingly, he seeks the advice of a successful businessman who shares his Five Laws for Success.  Much to the go-getter’s surprise, these ideals have little to do with pursuing clients.  Instead, they center on the concept of receiving by giving selflessly.   I found these principles invaluable… In classic Living-Her-Purpose fashion, I share them in hope that they are beneficial to you as well. 

·         The Law of Value: Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than how much you take in payment.  Successful people have passion for what they do, which shines through in their work.  While compensation is important, these individuals focus more on giving the very best of themselves and their products, services and ideas, in order to benefit those they serve.   

·         The Law of Compensation: Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.  If you want more success, find a way to serve more people.  It’s that simple.

·         The Law of Influence: Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.  Stop looking out for self exclusively.  Assist others in their pursuits without keeping track of who owes whom.  You will inevitably receive help from others when you need it most.

·         The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.  People do business with people, typically those that they consider genuine.  Regardless of your line of work, ten percent is training and the rest is you. 

·         The Law of Receptivity: The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.  You should expect to receive as a result of giving, though this is not the primary objective.  As we give, someone receives.  In time the same will apply for you. 

Now that this knowledge has been shared, please continue the go-giver mantra and pass it on to someone else.  As the Laws prescribe, doing so sets the stage for great things to come back to you. 

Your comments are welcome.

Empowerment Club

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

-       Eleanor Roosevelt

Several weeks ago, I blogged about an empowerment workshop that my mother and I attended called “Life by Design,” led by dynamic speaker and author Cynthia Newman (see “What’s Holding You Back?” posted Nov 17, 2010).  The program allowed each attendee to clarify our dreams, identify what’s standing in our way, and create a plan to achieve our goals. If you’ve ever attended such an event, you know how fired up you feel when it’s over… ready to take on the world!  But if those plans are not immediately executed or kept top-of-mind, they soon fade and you may end up right back where you started.  So my mother, the wise woman that she is, suggested that I host a follow-up meeting early in the New Year to discuss the group’s progress and challenges, and to encourage one another to continue on our paths toward living our best lives.   Motivating girls and women to fulfill their dreams is a passion of mine, so of course I accepted!  The first “Empowerment Club” meeting was held in my home today, and I’m proud to say that it was a success!  What’s more, the event marked my mother’s catering debut, which is a dream of hers.  As the ladies and I discussed our progress and pitfalls since we last met – and enjoyed my mother’s fabulous food – I realized how important it is to have positive people in your life who believe in your ability to fulfill your dreams as much as you do. 

Who would you include in your Empowerment Club?

You’ve heard that old adage about “the company you keep.”  I remind my two boys almost daily that hanging with the wrong people usually leads to trouble.  In some cases “wrong” means “bad” but it can also mean “negative,” so we have to be careful about the people we allow into our inner circle.  Conversely, forging relationships with people who are positive, uplifting, and genuinely hold our best interest can propel us to greater heights.  Your Empowerment Club may consist of just one person or several, and be as formal or informal as you choose.  Size and formality are not important.  The idea is simply to receive encouragement as you encourage others.  This is important because even when you feel like giving up, or fear that your dreams will never happen, your Empowerment Club will empower you to keep at it until your dreams are a reality. 

Your comments are welcome.

Making a Difference

"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little - do what you can."

-          Sydney Smith

Life can be tough.  Lost jobs, senseless violence, home foreclosures… With so much going on in the world today, I’ve heard many say that they avoid news programs because all that is reported is bad news.  That’s why I was pleasantly surprised to discover a segment called “Making a Difference,” which is broadcast at the end of the NBC Nightly News each weekday.  Some feature corporations and nonprofit organizations that are doing their part to better the lives of others, but most highlight ordinary Americans – just like you and me – who see a problem and deliver a solution to help people in extraordinary ways.  Following are a few of my favorites:

·    Mackenzie Bearup, a teenager from Alpharetta, Georgia, suffered a debilitating knee injury that left her bedridden for weeks.  To pass the time and escape the pain, she poured herself into books, which spawned an idea… to help other children escape tough situations – even if only for a while – through literature.  She founded Sheltering Books (ShelteringBooks.org), which donates books to children in homeless shelters.  Her initial goal was to gain and distribute 300 books; to date she’s handed out more than 50,000, and counting. 

·    Marlo Manning is the founder of Fairy Dog Parents (FairyDogParents.org), a nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing Massachusetts dog owners, hard-hit by the recession, from having to give up their dogs because they can no longer afford to feed and care for them.  Marlo lost her own beloved dog after a long illness and didn’t want others – particularly those in tough financial situations – to go through the same.  In 2009 (year of inception), her goal was to help 3 dogs.  Instead, she aided 27, and 71 have been served to date.  In Marlo’s words, “People say [that] when you find what you’re meant to do, you’ll know it.  And this is without a doubt… what I’m meant to do.”

·    For her 50^th birthday, Rachel O’Neil and her husband embarked on an African safari.  While in Uganda and Malawi, she noticed the torn and tattered clothing of the children there, and wanted to help.  Back at home in Trenton, Michigan, she formed a women’s group to sew dresses for the girls.  Word quickly spread and before long, boxes of dresses from across the US arrived at her home.  Thus far, she has distributed 100,000 dresses to girls in 16 countries, including the US.  She now sends pants to boys as well.

These women are living examples of what is possible when we couple our passion with execution.  What’s important to remember is that it is not the size of the gift or the number of people served, as long as the intention is to make a difference, even for just one person.  I wish you the very best in this New Year.

How will you make a difference in 2011?