Love is a Verb

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

-   Robert Heinlein

I love you.  These may be the most coveted words in the English language.   When spoken, they can convey the crazy mix of emotions one feels when enamored with another.  When heard, this simple phrase evokes security, belongingness, and announces to the world that we matter.    

As a mother, daughter, sister and friend, I used to say these words casually – without much regard for what it truly meant or the responsibility it carried.  I loved my mother simply because she gave birth to me.  I loved my boys simply because I gave birth to them, etc., etc.  But as I’ve grown older (and a bit wiser), experiences have transformed my definition completely.  For example, a few years ago, a good friend became ill and didn’t want to see or speak to anyone except her immediate family for several months.  For me – Type A Supreme – this was difficult because I wanted so badly to be there for her, to see her, and to comfort her in any way I could.  And why not?  She was my friend; I loved her.  But as time passed, my frustration subsided as I realized what I was saying.  Though my intentions were good, I was more concerned about what I wanted than what she needed.  At that point, our relationship changed.  Since spending time together and talking weren’t options, mailed cards and text messages had to suffice.  Amazingly, our friendship grew closer.  From that experience, I discovered that love is less about feeling and more about doing. 

In keeping with this theme, I’d love to take credit for this concept, but I can’t.  God’s word (1 Corinthians chapter 13) provides the true definition of love, as follows:

Love is patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude.  Love does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable or touchy.  It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.  It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out… Love never fails.

So what’s the lesson?  Love involves more than Valentine’s wishes and fancy dinners.  It’s greater than sending and receiving gifts or ensuring that our children have the latest this-or-that.  These are merely expressions.  Truly loving someone means going beyond our own desires  and doing things that may not be convenient but are necessary for the greater good. 

My hope is that the next time you tell someone “I love you,” their response is, “Yes, I know,” assuming that you have shown them love continuously.  This simple reply is not out of conceit or sarcasm, but because your actions have already proven what words can only attempt to convey.  In short, love is a verb.

Your comments are welcome.

Who Are We to Judge?

“He that is without sin… cast the first stone.”

-          John 8 : 7

By now I’m sure everyone has heard about the untimely death of Whitney Houston, a beautiful and talented woman many regard as “The Voice.”  Though no cause has yet been cited, media is already speculating and reporting its own theories with the focus quickly turning from her remarkable career to her much-publicized substance abuse and occasional erratic behavior.  Even worse, some are questioning what her legacy will be in spite of all that her music has meant to so many. 

In this age of social media, news magazines, reality TV, etc. we may feel that we actually know the people we see and hear through these mediums.  But the fact is… we don’t know them or their struggles… so who are we to judge them?  They’re human just like the rest of us with many of the same challenges we face.   The only difference is that their lives are played out for all to see – and comment on. 

Think about it. 

Who among us hasn’t had bad relationships, issues with family, made mistakes at work, acquired bad habits, or didn’t live up to someone else’s expectations?  In my opinion, that’s about all she was guilty of.  To my knowledge, she never hurt anyone except for her pristine image, which she may not have ever wanted to begin with because of the pressure required to maintain it.  Yet, for years her transgressions have played out in the media for all to see and judge her by.  I can’t imagine the strength it took to survive that kind of scrutiny.  I’m not defending her just because I am a fan of her music  (Really, who isn’t?).  I say this because she was just a person, and a mother.  I remember watching her interview on Oprah a few years ago, as she attempted a comeback.  She joked that sometimes she fantasized about running off to an island with her daughter, opening a fruit stand, and living an unassuming life far removed from the public; however, her gift for music wouldn’t allow her to.  At the time, I sincerely hoped she would find the peace necessary to live the life she wanted.  Now, I can only hope she was able to do so before she passed.

Over the next few weeks or maybe even years, much will be said and written about Whitney Houston.  Those who knew her personally may separate fact from fiction.  As for the rest of us, let’s try to withhold judgment, keeping in mind that none of us are perfect.  And perhaps more importantly, pray that her daughter and family find peace during this difficult time.    

Your comments are welcome.

Let Your Light Shine

“Never let anyone dull your shine.”

-          Tyra Banks

Fear.  Some call it the most useless of all emotions.  I have frequently blogged on this subject because we often allow this four-letter word to control our thoughts, feelings, actions and inactions.  Conventional thinking has us believe that our greatest fear is failure… that we are in some way inadequate because we don’t possess all the answers.   I can certainly see how this may evoke fear, but consider for a moment that the opposite is true.  Do we hold ourselves back simply because we don’t want to fail, or because we fear our own success? 

I used to think that fearing success was absurd.  If given the option, surely we would all choose success over failure.  But I have learned that “living the life you have imagined” requires us to step outside of ourselves – and others – in the pursuit of our dreams.  Standing apart doesn’t make anyone better than any other, but it may cause discomfort in relationships we hold dear.  But what if we could uplift others as we strive to do and be our very best?  Marianne Williamson addresses this challenge beautifully, as follows:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

As stated, allowing our own light to shine isn’t about patting ourselves on the back, feeling superior or reserving bragging rights.  The real power lies in setting an example for others – through ourselves – that their dreams are as achievable as our own.  You have the power to be a reminder to others that if you can do it, so can they.

In the spirit of this new year, I encourage you to pursue your passions in order to be a blessing to others.   You never know… your light could be a guiding force in someone else’s life. 

Your comments are welcome.