The Gift of Gratitude

“It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.”

-  Mother Teresa

It's hard to believe that the holiday season is officially upon us. Thanksgiving has come and gone, and Christmas will be here before we know it. Perhaps you have already begun the annual holiday traditions: hanging lights on the house, decorating the tree, and shopping for gifts. According to news reports, Black Friday was a huge success this year as thousands stormed department stores, electronic warehouses, and local boutiques in search of deals. I've never participated in this popular phenomenon, but have heard that the savings can be unbelievable! It's unfortunate that during this time of holiday cheer, the season is also infamous for people fighting over merchandise, huge credit card debt, and self-induced stress in the pursuit of the perfect gifts.

Why does the holiday season make us act this way? When you think about it, this behavior is the polar opposite of what Christmas is suppose to be about: time with loved ones, giving from the heart, and being appreciative for what we have. So how do we reclaim the essence of the holidays? This year, in addition to material things, why not give something that is truly priceless: the gift of gratitude.

When was the last time you told someone how much you appreciate them?

Was someone there for you during a difficult time? Did he/she provide a laugh when you needed it most? Has someone offered a helping hand in your time of need? If so, that person deserves your thanks. And while verbal forms of gratitude are always welcome, please consider writing it in a letter or card and sharing it with that person. Chances are, it may be the most meaningful gift he/she receives; cherished long after the fruitcakes, cashmere sweaters, and matching shirt/tie sets are long forgotten.

So this holiday season, in addition to traditional gift giving, take a few minutes to give the gift of gratitude to those who truly deserve it. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

To whom will you give the gift of gratitude this holiday season?

Mission Possible

“I am not a has-been. I am a will be.”

- Lauren Bacall

 

Yesterday marked the end of the mentoring program for middle school girls that I blogged about several weeks ago (see “Advice from You to You, ” Oct 10). Throughout the 8 weeks, the girls explored topics like “I define me,” “Be a friend, have a friend,” and “My choice, my consequence,” which encouraged them to think critically about the decisions they make as they approach high school, go off to college, and enter adulthood. Upon completion, each girl presented her own personal mission statement, describing who she is, where she's going, and how she intends to get there. When I introduced this concept several weeks ago, they were uncertain what they were “supposed” to write. Instead of following a cookie-cutter example, they were encouraged to dig deeply into themselves, consider their goals and potential obstacles, and write a statement that is “uniquely them.” In this, my third year facilitating the program – with a different set of girls each time – I was once again moved by their insight, candor and determination.

To quote a few:

“... I'm going to be the first in my family to finish college...” “... no one can make me feel inferior unless I allow them to...” “...I'm beautiful because I believe I am...” “... people say I can't do that because I'm a girl but they don't know how determined I am to succeed...” “... I am precious because God made me that way...”

Have you ever written a personal mission statement?

Who, what and how do you want to be physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and financially? Is your mission to raise to a healthy family, be a better friend, build your career, or start your own business? Perhaps you seek to help others who are in need, continue your education, or find love again. Whatever your goals, have you invested the time to articulate your vision and create a plan to make it happen?

I know what you're thinking, and trust me; I get it. With jobs, families, the upcoming holidays, and all the things that fill our 24 hours, it seems that not much time is left to reflect on the things we want. But I encourage you to take just a few minutes each week to think about – and write down – where you want this life to take you, and how it may become a reality.

As for the girls, my hope for these future pediatricians, entrepreneurs, cosmetologists, veterinarians, crime scene investigators, etc. is that they take their own words to heart and refer to them often. Though the program has ended, this is the beginning of a new chapter in their journeys toward fulfilling their personal missions.

What would you include in your personal mission statement?

Overcoming Regret

“I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not.”

- Lucille Ball

Broken relationships. Poor financial decisions. Lost dreams.

We've all made choices, taken risks, and lived with the results when things didn't quite go our way. The list of regrets goes on and on, and can stifle our growth if we allow it. If regret is standing between you and what you want most from life, I bring you, “Six Steps to Regret-proof Your Life,” by Martha Beck, life coach and insightful writer whose advice is, as usual, spot-on.

1. Go beyond denial. It's easy to get caught up in shoulda-woulda-couldas and lose ourselves in “if only” fantasies, but they do nothing for our current circumstances, make us feel worse, and almost certainly paralyze hope for the future.
2. Separate regret's basic ingredients. All emotions stem from 4 sources: anger, sadness, happiness, and fear. Regret is a mixture of the first two... anger that XY&Z occurred, and sadness over what resulted. To overcome regret, we must confront, acknowledge, and work through both emotions.
3. Grieve what is irrevocably lost. Crying is my release mechanism of choice... perhaps yours is exercising or writing in a journal. Regardless of the method, “letting it out” can ease your burden... it may take a few minutes, or for others, much longer. You'll know that your grieving process is complete when you can feel happiness for others who gain what you feel you've lost.
4. Reclaim the essence of your dreams. Regardless of what you lost specifically (e.g., a man, a job, a house), ask yourself: What was it about XY&Z that I wanted so much? Then seek it in another source, productively. After some time, your initial desire may subside.
5. Analyze your anger. Take a hard look at how anger may be affecting your daily life. If we're not careful, it may be taken out on others who do not deserve it. The next time anger surfaces, take a minute to assess its roots.
6. Learn to lean loveward. As you make future decisions, lean toward love rather than aversion to fear. This works because we rarely regret decisions that are made out of love, but fear-based decisions will be regretted almost every time. This means that you will love again... only this time a little smarter. You will get your finances back in order... but watch your money far more closely the second time around. And your dreams are still attainable... but may be packaged differently than you expected.

We know for sure that the past cannot be changed. But we do have the power to overcome regret, and become stronger as a result. I firmly believe that all experiences – good and bad – have purpose, and can help us as we continue moving toward who we are meant to be. Overcoming regret is certainly a step in that right direction.

Your comments are welcome.

What's Holding You Back?

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.  Live the life you have imagined."

 —Henry David Thoreau

After attending the women’s conference that I blogged about the past two weeks, I didn’t think I could ever be more inspired than I was upon the event’s conclusion.  Low and behold… it happened again!  Yesterday, I attended “Life by Design: Power Day,” an empowerment workshop led by Cynthia Newman (www.CNewinspiration.com), an inspirational speaker, author and passionate advocate for the achievement of others’ dreams. 

The program allowed each of us to contemplate our own dreams, identify what’s standing in our way, and create a plan to achieve our goals.  The first and third topics were pretty simple for me; I have long identified my purpose, tangible goals, and an action plan.  But I must admit that the second, “What’s Holding You Back,” was more challenging as I was forced to focus on and admit the things that could stand in the way of reaching my destiny.   While lack of funding and other resources may create obstacles, we all agreed that psychological factors play a big part: listening to naysayers, seeking others’ approval, fear that it’s too late, and doubting our own abilities. 

It seems that no matter how confident we are at times, insecurities can creep up when we least expect them.  Perhaps you’re on your path right now, and experiencing some angst.  If so, please allow me to share the advice that helped me:

If God gave you the gifts, they're yours to pursue.  Period.

It’s SO amazing that we like to do the things we’re good at, and we’re good at the things we like to do.  But why?  Because we were all born with unique skills, talents and interests – GIFTS – that are just waiting to be developed, pursued and shared with the world – in your own time.  Our dreams manifest from our deepest passions… which no one has the right to ridicule.  And further, no one can take away your gifts because no one (on earth) gave them to you. 

I hope that this insight brings you strength, much the way it did for me.  I encourage you – as I encourage myself – to think positively and utilize your gifts to pursue your passions with vigor, so you may live the life that you have imagined. 

What stands between you and your dreams?  What are you going to do about it?

P.S.  I usually like to start each blog post with a quote from a well-known female, but this week (like last) I couldn’t help but share some of the most powerful phrases I’ve ever heard, regardless of the source.  Please take the words of Thoreau to heart as you identify and pursue your passions.