Deciding for Ourselves

“Know when to tune out. If you listen to too much advice you may wind up making other people’s mistakes.”


- Ann Landers


Recently, I volunteered at a local cancer research center. One of the other volunteers was a smart and bubbly 17 year old girl. So I asked her the customary adult-to-child questions, including, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” To my surprise, she answered, “My parents want me to be a doctor.” Without thinking, I quickly replied, “No, what do YOU want to be?” She gave me a curious look and then confessed that her parents had pretty much decided for her. Though she liked the medical field, her true aspiration was to be a singer.  She didn’t have the courage to tell her parents that, for fear that they’d cut her off financially.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you don’t want to get in the middle of a parent’s wish for his/her child. But I couldn’t help but suggest that she talk to her parents about her desire to sing rather than practice medicine.

I am a STRONG believer that we were all put on this earth with a set of gifts – and passions – for a reason. It’s no coincidence that we’re usually VERY good at things that we LIKE to do… and we LIKE to do things we’re VERY good at. Conversely, when we make ourselves do things that are not authentically us, we derive very little pleasure from them and, worst – we don’t perform them to our best ability. Don’t get me wrong; it's important to try new things. Without “trying it out” how would we grow, and discover what we’re good at and what we’re not, or what we enjoy and what we don’t? But here’s the thing: no one can decide for us what our true passions are. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for another. Each of us can discover what makes us truly happy only through our own experiences, listening to ourselves, and paying close attention to those things that naturally draw us in.

My hope for that girl – and all females - is the chance to explore her true passions, live them, and make a living from them. In my opinion, it’s just wrong to expect others to do something with their lives that does not feel purposeful.

What do you think?