Advice, from You to You

"You have to remember the value of your individuality; that you have something different to offer that no one else can.”

-          Jennifer Lopez

This fall, I am again leading a mentoring program that promotes self esteem, character development, and educational excellence for middle school girls ages 11 to 14.  This week’s topic, “I Define Me,” allowed the girls to identify the traits and characteristics that make each of them unique.  Their responses ran the gamut from Smart and Funny to Headstrong and Sassy.  Regardless of the words they chose, they were encouraged to be proud of who they are, to listen to their intuition for doing the right thing, and to allow no one to derail their dreams. 

Personally, I think that the topic “I Define Me” is profound.  Even as adults, we often allow others to define who we are.  And if we’re not careful, others’ definitions may manifest in our actions, based on our past, our own insecurities, or others’ expectations.  As I listened to the girls, I thought about my 14-year-old-self, how I may have defined myself at the time, and the actions that followed.  Adolescence can be a confusing time for many, as girls learn who they are and their place in the world.   

Toward the end of the day, I shared a passage from one of my favorite books, Letters to a Young Sister, by Hill Harper.  It includes advice, both from Hill’s male perspective and several female celebrities, to young girls as they begin to make important life decisions.  The passage, by acclaimed actress Alfre Woodard, advises young girls to listen to their own best advice by thinking of themselves in third-person.  Considering that it’s often easier to give good advice to someone else, rather than following our own, I hoped that the girls would take Ms. Woodard’s words to heart:

“As you navigate your way through life, you are increasingly in charge of your own choices.  You are becoming a young woman but that little girl you once were will remain a part of who you are… When you respect yourself, you are giving that Precious-Little-Girl-Self [inside of you] the encouragement and protection she deserves.  Say you were taking care of a little girl.  How would you treat her?  You would defend her from anyone who would seek to exploit, demean, or devalue her.  You would certainly steer her away from others who would belittle her dreams.  You would be there to reinforce her image of self, by reminding her of how powerful she is when she follows her intuition for doing the right thing… That little girl lives inside of you.  She always will.  Her well-being and sense of self depends on you…”

Each of us has the power to define ourselves, and choose the path that is uniquely right for us.  I encourage you to share this advice with a young girl in your life as she navigates her way toward self definition. 

Your comments are welcome.